In the spring of 2010, there was an escalating issue in my family that was spilling over into the relationship that I was in at the time. The person I was dating was unhappy about my family situation, and rightfully so. Being the peace-keeper that I am, I was trying to cater to everyone. It worked only for a short while until I could see the anger building in the person that I was dating. He kept wanting to get involved and I repeatedly asked him to let me handle it since it was my family. He eventually reached his breaking point, and, against my wishes, got involved. What ensued was an unpleasant verbal altercation between him and a family member of mine. In the end, the relationship imploded, I had an ugly mess to deal with in my family, and there was no peace among any of the parties involved, which was the opposite of what I had wanted all along.
Flashing forward to the summer of 2015, I was in a different relationship, but a similar situation was starting to arise. As discussed in a previous post, my partner and I had gone through an unpleasant and unacceptable experience with his family a few months before. So this time around, the tables were turned and I was in the role of witnessing things occurring in my partner's family that I disagreed with. Part of me wanted to get involved (in a less explosive way than my ex did) to stand up for my partner, but I struggled with what to do and how to do it. When I presented a few ideas to friends of mine, they advised against it. So out of sheer frustration, I did nothing. As an escape, throughout August and September, I created:
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| "Refraining from Entanglement - Cognitive" |
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| "Refraining from Entanglement - Associative" |
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| "Refraining from Entanglement - Autonomous" |
All three pieces from the series are composed of watercolor and acrylic paint. Beyond that, the elements of each piece varies, with some containing molding paste, gouache, gesso, and various material to help create the shapes and patterns that you see. The series title "Refraining from Entanglement" was inspired by a composition titled "Entanglement (Reprise)" found on the soundtrack to the film Senn. I listened to it repeatedly while I created the first piece of the series. The subtitles from the series "Cognitive", "Associative", and "Autonomous" are the three stages of learning.
The orange (cognitive) piece came first. It began with the smaller solid orange vertical lines. From there, I created small strips of differing hues, patterns, shapes, and textures. Once completed, I immediately began work on the purple (associative) piece, applying what I had learned from the previous one to this one. After this one was complete, I thought I was finished with this project, but a few weeks later, the green (autonomous) piece decided it needed to be made. Again, I built on what I learned by creating the previous pieces.
It wasn't until that first piece was complete that I realized what was happening. By creating this work, I was avoiding getting involved in my partner's family's affairs. The artwork represents the idea of separation with each section remaining separate and confined without mingling with another section. Had I allowed the sections of paint to mix, the unique colors and patterns would be lost resulting in a cloudy, muddled pool. In the same vein, the aftermath of stirring things up with my partner's family would be nothing more than a mess.
Some have disagreed with my stance on this and think that I should have spoken up in the situation. I can see the inclination to do that, especially in the age of social media where everyone is prone to give their opinion on everything all the time; however, my getting involved in the situation would only have made things more difficult for my partner and I might have jeopardized my role as his ally. As I learned from my ex, even when a situation is unfair and you fully disagree with it, unleashing your anger and spouting off your opinions won't help your case. Sometimes, the best course of action is to do nothing and continue observing, remembering, and refraining from entanglement.
